Monday, July 31, 2006

It's probably no surprise to people when I tell them that I suffer from depression. It is something that I've had my whole life but it becomes serious just rarely depending on what is happening in my life.

Without going into too many details, I will say that there are some financial issues, some friendship drama, and I just found out that my mom is battling breast cancer (luckily though, they found it very early on so her chances are good).

When I get into my deep depression I tend to back away from my friends and hide in my shell until it passes. That's why I haven't been on here much the last week compared to other weeks.

I just want to tell everyone that I am okay and I am not going to hurt myself....or anyone else for that matter...hehehehe. As of today, I have started to come out of my shell and am feeling much better.

My best friends Jaime, Caroline, and Brian really have been here for me the last week and I thank you guys soooooooooooo much. I honestly do not know what I would do without you guys being here for me. You are my rocks, my heroes, and my light. I LOVE YOU.

That being said, I love to create things when I am feeling under-the-weather (wow, that is an understatement). Being creative helps me release some of the pain, anger, sadness, ect and helps me heal.

I created this montage of an author by the name of Elizabeth Wurtzel. She is best known for her memoirs "Prozac Nation" written when she was only 26 yo (she is 39 yo now). She mostly writes about her depression and pain. I found a few pics of her (she is gorgeous!!) and found a quote from her that REALLY related to me now.

The word "depression" I made faded and almost invisible because I feel many people don't like talking about it and it seems people who have it hate telling others because our society is so fucking judgemental. So the word "depression" is there and noticeable but it is faded and whispering compared to the images and words around it.

Depression never goes away but it is always there, like a ghost hoovering above us waiting for the right moment to show itself.

Without further ado....here is my photo montage dedicated to Elizabeth Wurtzel and all my fellow depressed and tortured souls out there.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

posted at 7:08 PM

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Saturday, July 29, 2006

Memories

Taking a Myspace quiz about college really stirred up some old feelings from my first year in college. I really miss those old days and wish I would've taken classes more seriously and partied harder. I didn't get "wild" till recently and dammit, I would be rockin' those house parties if I was young and single now.

Oh well, at least I can fondly think back on all the "trouble" I got into back then.

Jaime and Liner...we seriously need to save for our Ohio trip because now I am DYING to hang out with you and party like the old days.....

posted at 9:35 AM

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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Just Stuff

It's summer and I need to get my ass out of the house during the day more often. Whether I take a walk down the bike trail nearby or just sit outside with a good book and some sunscreen, I need to get out there and enjoy the weather.

Being in my house all day is just causing me to be moody and easily annoyed.

Work is still teetering. Due to a technical glitch with posting hours many of us only got 10 hrs of work for next week and I heard one of us got no hous for next week.

In the meantime, I've added several more hours working with my other client taking calls for AAA until I can see where my supervisor job is going.

It's a sit and wait and hope thing now.

In other news, I really need to tone up and get back on my low-carb diet that has been so gracious to me. Since last summer, I've lost 40 pounds! Now it's time for me to get back on the diet and lose more weight.

Goodbye beer and hello vodka and diet soda once more.

posted at 2:07 PM

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Friday, July 21, 2006

Money and Friday!

So far today has started out okay. Even though I barely have any hours for work next week so that requires me to supplement my income with my back-up client taking calls at night, my husband is forced to work TONS of overtime this weekend and next week to make up for the power outage at his job for the past two days. This is all good news because that mean we should be able to make all of our important bills.

In the meantime, it's Friday so that means alcohol night for me!! I have some Margarita mix and a bottle of tequila that my mother in law bought me for my bday last week. I plan on having a couple/few of those tonight when I get off work at 10pm EST.

Maybe I'll play some TSO or YIM friends, or maybe I'll give the computer to husband and I'll just drink in the living room while watching movies or listening to music.

I'll play it by ear, but one this is for sure...I am drinking tonight!!!

posted at 8:30 AM

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

TSO

So as some of you know, I am an avid player of The Sims Online (TSO), and as even fewer of you know, I was totally addicted to that game for the past 9 months or so. It doesn't help that I work from home and play from home. Access to TSO is literally just a key stroke or so away from me most days.

Well this whole week, I've decided to "ween" myself off the game a bit since it was causing me more headaches than anything else. Yes people, no matter where you are, when you get thousands of people from diff cultures, ages, backgrounds, ect in one place, there is BOUND to be DRAMA.

This week so far, I only played the game in the evenings when most of my online friends get off rl work. I log off when I'm working and I never play before like 4pm EST. That has helped me stay away from the drama and it's amazing what I get accomplished when I'm not involved in a social game like that.

I will admit, I do get those sudden and random urges to log in every now and then, but I have yet to give in to that.

Gawd, I'm sounding like a recovering alcoholic or something...but seriously, this game is addicting. Many people who try to quit usually wind up coming back later.

Either way, it's nice to have a real life again. I'm even planning to give a friend a call so we can hang out. I went to school with her and she just moved like 10 minutes away from me. As soon as I get some free time and money I plan on calling her to hang out. Should be refreshing to get my social life off the computer for a change.

posted at 3:16 PM

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

WORK Part Two

Things are looking up for me to stay home for a while longer. I've decided to stick it out and hope for the best because I REALLY love this at-home job and I realize it is very rare to be able to do this position.

So if the other company calls me for an interview, I will have to turn them down. It helps that the company I applied for hires a lot so I can always catch the next wave if I ever need to.

I'm very happy today. Getting lots of things done and feeling more comfortable about my future at my career.

Now if only Friday can hurry up and get here....I need some alcohol....

posted at 11:22 AM

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Monday, July 17, 2006

Work

Well things in paradise are coming to an end for my work from home venture. Seems my client is cutting back supervisors (me), hours, and pay. If I am one of the lucky supervisors to keep my job, I will be getting less pay and less hours.

Because of this, I have applied for positions at my husband's job. Pay is GREAT, hours are steady, and job is decent. Actually, husband says he loves where he works and is so happy that he's stopped looking for another career.

I plan to keep this at-home job for very part-time work. That way, if things pick back up, I can work more hours and get more money between the two jobs.

Part of me is sad this is all coming to an end, but another part of me is looking foward to the stability of a "regular" job.

I'll upate ya more as things progress....

posted at 11:29 AM

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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Today have been a pretty emotional draining day due to some friend issues. But also, I got little sleep last night and I'm working 10 hrs today. Thank GOD I have tomorrow off from work.

I plan to curl up and read the book that I'm in the middle of, watch a good movie, and have fun online.

I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight!

*The blog image was removed and I don't know why but I will find another soon!

posted at 2:22 PM

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Tiiiired!

Well it appears the image I had has been removed from everyone's blog who is using this template. No idea why, but I will find a replacement soon.

Today have been a pretty emotional draining day due to some friend issues. But also, I got little sleep last night and I'm working 10 hrs today. Thank GOD I have tomorrow off from work.

I plan to curl up and read the book that I'm in the middle of, watch a good movie, and have fun online.

I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight!

posted at 2:13 PM

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Monday, July 03, 2006

Productive!

Well, today was pretty productive in Sim world and for my work. As for the house cleaning...well...I'm one day behind. But I plan to take care of that tomorrow since I have off from work.

Having a few brewskies and chillin' for the rest of the nite...niiiice.

posted at 6:06 PM

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Sunday, July 02, 2006

I'm Back Yo!

It's been forever and a week since I've posted here. I've been posting my blogs on Myspace but I neglected this one.

Lots have happened but nothing major so I won't overwhelm you with all of it in this entry.

One piece of news is that my parents are visiting me for a week in a couple of weeks. It's surreal. I mean, usually I would have planned out our iteneriry by now but I have yet to even seriously look at the list of things to do yet.

I'm just now getting motivated to stay on top of my housecleaning and other things like restarting this blog.

But I DO need to start looking at places to take my parents to go see. Maybe I'll start that now...

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about
  • Name: Nicole
  • Age: 28
  • Fav Board Game: Life
  • Fav Color: Yellow & Pink
  • Fav Day: Saturday
  • Fav Season: Spring
  • Loves: Kindness, consideration, & honesty
  • Hates: Backstabbing, hatred & ignorance
  • Actor I Want To Meet: Vin Diesel!
  • 100 Things About Me
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