Tuesday, January 31, 2006


RIP Coretta Scott King


Thank you for everything you have done for our society. Thank you for being a strong role-model. Thank you for showing us that even after the death of your great husband, you remained strong and active in the cause.

Thank you.

You will be missed.

posted at 10:24 AM

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Friday, January 27, 2006

STRESSSSSSSSSSS

Can't wait for tonight! I get to have a few drinks and chill out. No work tomorrow and I can sleep in then play TSO all day if I so desire.

Been a looooong week. Going through some very personal things I haven't written about here. It's been zapping me of energy and between that, work, and some other things, I am very stressed.

It is intriguing how stress affects my physical body so differently now then it did 10 years ago. Back then, I may get a headache due to stress but usually the only physical hint of high stress was non-stop crying and insomnia.

Now I don't cry too often but now I get major heartburn, chestpains, and my throat feels like it is closing up. If I do deep breathing and think happy thoughts, all that pain goes away.

My mom suggested that I do some deep meditation exercises everyday until my stress goes away or at least subsides.

I plan to do that today while I take my bubble bath.

*note: the chest pains were noted a couple years ago when I told my doc about them. She listened to my heart and that coupled with my health history and age lead her to believe it is not heart related and that more than likely it is stress related*

posted at 8:56 AM

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Roller Derby!

I am seriously considering joining a roller derby league. Seeing that show Rollergirls on A&E really sparked something in me.

Doing lots of online research I found two leagues in Philly. I decided to go for the smaller and lesser known one since the liklihood of my being accepted onto the team is higher.

The downside is that practices are 1 hour drive away from where I live twice a week. I plan to go to one of their practices, meet them, and decide if I am willing to dedicate that much hassle to do this.

I will keep you posted!

posted at 12:14 PM

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Thursday, January 19, 2006

Freedom!!!

The more years that pass, the more I am not wanting a child. I am getting in the best shape of my life, I LOVE the freedom to come and go as I please to some extent, and having extra money to play with is awesome.

Now I am itching to go clubbing, go to parties, and just be social again.

Because I am so outgoing and social on TSO, I have made a lot of friends, a few who have become actual best friends of mine. One of them chats with me on IM outside the game!

I feel like I should have felt at 21. It is the most surreal but wonderful feeling.

I don't think I am ready for a baby. I don't know if I ever will be now. I can see a child and not feel pain for not having one. I see pregnant women and wonder what it is like, but I don't have that pain in my heart anymore.

This may be temporary, or maybe it isn't. Either way, I am living the moment and enjoying it. I just wish I could find rl friends to go clubbing with. *sigh*

posted at 12:41 PM

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Monday, January 16, 2006

Thank You Muchly

A night of crying, chatting with friends online, and getting all of my hurt out has made a big difference to me.

I am rejuvenated today. I am strengthened. I feel great.

Thank you to everyone who helped me heal. I will always love you and everything you did to help me get over this pain.

A couple of my friends who helped me through do not know I have this blog so they will not see this "thank you" entry. But I did tell them how appreciative I was today so they do know how I feel.

Be Yourself, Love Yourself

posted at 6:33 PM

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Sunday, January 15, 2006

Color Me Blue

I know I shouldn't care what others think of me, especially when their opinions are based on things I cannot change...namely my race.

In this day and age it is shocking (maybe it shouldn't be) to me that there are still people out there so ignorant and racist that no matter how nice a person I am, they still hate me for being non-white.

I am PROUD to be who I am and I would NEVER even dream of changing that, but some days, like today, I think it would be easier if I was white.

I am sad, depressed, and taking this hard today. I have never done anything to these people. Actually, I have been nothing but nice, sweet, and polite to them. That doesn't matter though. My skin is not the right shade and that is all that matters to them. Forget the fact that I would have (not anymore) done anything for them since they are somewhat family to me. (Legally speaking, they are family)

Forget that I am such a nice person, I would rather hurt myself than to ever hurt another human being physically or mentally.

Forget that I am articulate, smart, fun to hang out with, kind, and that I love to make people laugh.

Forget that I have travelled the world and have lots of stories to tell. Forget that there are so many people that love me for who I am.

My skin is brown and therefore these particular people hate me. That is all it takes for them.

I don't hate much, but racism is the first on my 'Hate' list.

I am sad. I am so depressed and trying very hard to not cry. My day was going so perfectly before I was told what I suspected all along.

Sometimes the truth need not be told. But maybe it is good that the truth came out though. Now I can stop thinking my personality was causing this friction. Now that I know there is nothing I can do to appease them, I can relax and move on with my life.

Thanks for listening.

Be Yourself, Love Yourself.

posted at 2:54 PM

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Thursday, January 12, 2006

Skinny Me Crying to Come Out

So I took the plunge. Dh and I joined our local gym. Now I HAVE to use it because we are paying DOUBLE what we were paying for a gym membership in Kansas.

We signed up yesterday and worked out yesterday. I did 20 min total cardio and 15 min weight lifting.

My body is nice a sore today. I plan to go 3 days a week to avoid burnout. I will go tonight and Sunday.

Bought a whole bunch of low carb foods so I can jump back into my low carb lifestyle. I am feeling very good and hope to hit my goal weight by summer.

posted at 8:27 AM

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Monday, January 09, 2006

Going To The Gym Part 10

So dh wants us to start going to the gym now. There is an all-female gym here that I plan to try out. Let's hope I stick with it this time.

I believe in myself because I have been keeping myself up for a longer time than I usually do.

Time will tell though.

posted at 7:22 PM

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Saturday, January 07, 2006

Procrastination

Nothing much to report here. I STILL have packages to send to friends and family. Been so busy with things.They all know gifts are coming very late. LOL Better late than never I guess.

I am lucky enough to get lots of hours for work this past week and next.

Dh is out shopping with his mother today. They are both bored and want to do something. I am home playing Sims and about to start work soon.

I need to finish this entry so I can start packing boxes to be shipped off next week.

posted at 9:11 AM

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Sunday, January 01, 2006

Glad Holidays Are Finally Gone

Whew. I haven't posted an entry in what seems like an eternity! Lots have been happening recently. Christmas was great. Spent with dh's family. I got a TON of clothes, my MIL got me a food saver (one of those vaccum/seal thingys), and a bunch of other way cool items.

Dh and I went to the mall the day after Christmas and I went to the Victoria Secret store for some more "stripper perfume" as I affectionatly call it. For those who are not in the know:

A year ago dh and I went to a strip club (I love strip clubs!) and there was this one particular stripper who when giving me a lap dance (yes girls can get lap dances too) smelled delicious! So I asked her what she was wearing and she said Victoria's Secret Divine. So shortly after that I went out and bought me some.

This time around I decided to also try the one called Heavenly. It is a lighter, more floral scent and I love it!!

Been playing the hell out of The Sims Online recently. I am so addicted. I need to take a few days off from it though. lol

I met someone on there that likes watching quad racing. I am a girly girl and cannot stand sports unless it is gymnastics or ice skating or something. Well talking about quad racing really perked my interest. The guys look sexxxy on those quads so that is a real bonus. But also, it just looks so fun. Dangerous but fun.

So my friend is introducing me to the sport and I really wanna see some races now.

I can now obsess over something else other than Copeira now. lol

Haven't done much reading, due to the Sims online, damn sims. But I plan to pick up my book soon.

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  • Name: Nicole
  • Age: 28
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